April 11, 2012

Pizza Huts across Britain will soon start offering customers a pizza with hot dog-stuffed crusts. Of course, this can only mean one thing: America is losing its food-infused the British!

How could this happen??? We got so caught up in our own greatness — the fast food bacon sundae, frozen Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick, the finger-licking majesty of the Doritos Locos Taco — that we lost sight of the big picture: stuffing hot dogs into a pizza. It's just so simple! Hot dog-stuffed pizzas, how did we not see it before?! Besides, a Pizza Hut crust is the perfect hot dog-storing mechanism — I mean, it already tastes like an intestinal casing!

And the British, of all people! Maybe if they were stuffing bangers into in mash; or bangers into crumpets; or bangers into anything, really. But stuffing a hot dog into a pizza?! Those are American "foods"! This is just like the War of 1812, only instead of burning down the White House, the British are stuffing hot dogs into a fucking pizza.

Let's just thank god for the good people at DiGiorno. Because if these are any indication, America will be back on top of the pizza world soon enough. USA! USA! USA!

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