August 4, 2011

Today is President Barack Obama's 50th birthday. Obama has reportedly told people close to him he is not interested in gifts, and that instead they should just give their Republican friends whatever they want.

Police have asked an Idaho man to stop wearing a bunny suit in public after some residents complained it has been frightening their children, although some townsfolk insist there are more pressing issues at hand, like who has been hiding all of their eggs.

Researchers have discovered a giant rat in Africa that kills its predators by coating its hair with poison. Or as it is known here in America, a "Donald Trump."

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