Monday

May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday in Pakistan during a mission by U.S. special forces, sending that motherfucker straight to hell, where he is expected to be greeted by a bunch of angry martyrs with a lot of "70 virgins"-related questions.

Bin Ladin's body was later buried at sea, proving that Obama clearly learned nothing from the whole birth certificate thing.

Also, you totally know that somewhere, there's a bitter Tea Partier who just received his order of 10,000 "Obama Bin Lyin" t-shirts...

Anyway.

According to Nielsen Co., nearly 23 million Americans woke up early Friday morning and watched the British Royal Wedding. In a related story, nearly 23 million Americans clearly don't give a shit about what our founding fathers fought and died for.

The street racing movie Fab Five won the box office this weekend, taking in more than $83 million. In a related story, approximately 8.3 million Americans clearly don't give a shit about what our founding fathers fought and died for.

No comments:

Post a Comment