On Thursday, the federal government issued voluntary guidelines that aim to curb the marketing of unhealthy foods to children. Republicans criticized the guidelines as an overreach of federal influence, adding if God wanted children to eat healthy, he wouldn't have created Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
In a speech yesterday, former Pennsylvania senator and white muppet Rick Santorum accused Planned Parenthood of targeting African American neighborhoods for the sake of practicing racial eugenics. Santorum then said, "Boom! Crazy=brought. Your move, Mr. Trump," dropped the microphone from his outstretched hand and backed away.
Today was the British Royal Wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. And you know what that means: Everything's all better now!