March 31, 2011

In a speech given yesterday, President Obama called for a one-third reduction in oil imports to the U.S. by 2025. Obama said he will turn Americans off of oil by doing what he does best: raising people's hopes about how this imported oil will be new and different, then crushing their spirits as they begin to realize it's just as bad as all the imported oil that came before it, and jading them to the point where they will never believe in the imported oil system ever again.

Hershey, the world's largest confectioner, announced it will increase the price of its candy by nearly 10% due to soaring food costs. First McDonald's, and now this? Man, fat people just cannot get a break, huh?

Today marks Opening Day for Major League Baseball, so enjoy yourselves, nostalgic white people!

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