Wednesday

January 26, 2011

President Obama delivered the State of the Union address last night, in which said this is "our generation's Sputnik moment." This, of course, shocked most of our generation, which until recently believed a Sputnik moment was how long it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket. "Sputnik moment," eh? Yep, nothing like a USSR reference when you're trying to diminish fears you're a socialist.

Former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich called Tuesday for the elimination of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). Not wanting to be outdone, other conservative leaders responded with proposals of their own. Tim Pawlenty proposed a halt on any new government spending, Michelle Bachman said she supported the complete deregulation of the business sector, while a woefully-misguided Sarah Palin vowed to shoot Newt Gingrich.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average hit 12,000 points for the first time since 2008. To celebrate, Wall Street bankers have announced they will throw rocks at your face.

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